I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
