having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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