When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
