I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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