Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
