Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
