In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
