IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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