Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
