Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
