I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
