just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
