My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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