dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
