I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
