The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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