So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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