it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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