I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If I die, sorry about rent.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
