I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I party with great urgency now.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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