i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
