That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
