New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
