That's when you crack a 10am beer
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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