respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
