Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My bed smells like the plague
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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