K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
whose parrot is this?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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