The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
