this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
