He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
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