Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
