I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
