That's when you crack a 10am beer
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
