dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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