woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
