You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
