therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
