party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Why is there bacon in the couch?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
