the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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