Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
