i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
