PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
