lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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