sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
