I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
