Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
