The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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