She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
