oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
