Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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