you're like a bully in the Christmas story
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
