"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
